Van Archangel

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Van Helsing (2004): Breakdown by Rantbo The guy who plays Wolverine, channels Batman, to play legendary demon slayer, Van Helsing. [THE EXECUTION] Before getting into Steven Sommers’ masterpiece, VAN HELSING, I feel I must address the prequel. Yes, this film actually has one… Van Helsing: The London Assignment (2004) Released straight to DVD, […]

The Crow: “What the FUCK you all painted up for, crackhead, huh!? Halloween ain’t till manana!”

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Crow (1994): Breakdown by Rantbo Undead goth kills drug-dealing rapists with guns, knives, swords, morphine, grenades, gothic architecture and some poetic verbal nuance. [THE EXECUTION] THE CROW. A movie so good, they’ve tried remaking it 5 times. Soon to be six. And one of those times was with Edward Furlong, Tara Reid […]

The Crow killcount

The Crow killcount.

The MedEvil Dead

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Army Of Darkness [Theatrical Version](1992): Breakdown by Rantbo Bruce Campbell vs. The Army Of Darkness [THE EXECUTION] As this is the 3rd movie in the EVIL DEAD TRILOGY, I feel I must briefly summarize what happened previously, if for no other reason than if this breakdown happens to be read by some poor […]

DOOooooooooM!

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Doom [Unrated Extended Edition](2005): Breakdown by Rantbo Space Marines battle alien monsters that killed off a colony. Sounds familiar… [THE EXECUTION] Based off of one of the Most Bad-Ass Mother-Fucking Games of ALL Fucking Time, and featuring striking similarities to James Cameron’s Masterpiece, ALIENS, the question is, how does this movie fair in […]

Diesel-Fueled Action

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Pitch Black (2000): Breakdown by Kain424 A spaceship crashes on an unknown world.  After finding out the planet may be teaming with frightening and dangerous lifeforms, the survivors are forced to work together with a murderer who may or may not want to help them at all. [THE EXECUTION] With the Action stars […]

Alien Busters

. [The Chalk-Outline] The Hidden (1987): Breakdown by Rutledal A cop and an FBI agent have to track down a body swapping alien on the loose in L.A. [The Execution] Based on the fact that the movie’s basic premise features Kyle MacLachlan playing a FBI agent on the hunt for a supernatural killer, a Twin […]

Avenging Force killcount

Avenging Force killcount.

To Fight Or Not To Fight

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Little Tiger Of Canton (1971) a.k.a. Guang dong xiao lao hu a.k.a. The Cub Tiger From Kwang Tung: Breakdown by Kain424 A Kung Fu student struggles against his master, who thinks martial arts should never be used. [THE EXECUTION] First off, it’s important to note that the film, Master With Cracked Fingers, is […]

Tranformers: A Dish Best Served Never

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Explosion – Dick Joke – Cleavage – Sunset – Robot – U.S. Military Recruitment Video Footage: Repeat For 2 Hours. [THE EXECUTION] Yes. Those Are What You Think They Are. Welcome To Transformers 2 OK, I’m going to try my best to recount the […]