Models of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Aztec Gold

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003): Breakdown by Rantbo Johnny Depp is sexy—Arrrrr! [THE EXECUTION] Mystery and excitement abound in this thrilling high-seas pirate adventure, based on one of Walt Disney’s most beloved theme park rides!—And it’s sentences like that in the original add campaigns and reviews that […]

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete (2009) Breakdown by Kain424 Cloud Strife and the rest of AVALANCHE have to get over all their emotional baggage in order to once again save the world from a life destroying threat.  Moping, philosophizing, and physics-defying action ensue. [THE EXECUTION] Where to start?  Final Fantasy VII: Advent […]

Bond Breakdown #03: Goldfinger (1964)

[THE CLASSIFIED INTEL] Goldfinger (1964): Bond Breakdown by Rantbo The Bank of England contacts MI:6 with a request that they investigate a gold dealer they suspect of smuggling and stockpiling large amounts of bullion. They want to know why, and how, he is transporting said gold overseas. So of course, top agent James Bond 007 […]

American Ninja killcount

American Ninja killcount.

The Karate 22 Year-Old

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Karate Kid (1984): Breakdown by Kain424 Weakling learns the Karate Way to save himself from bullying.  America becomes obsessed with martial arts. [THE EXECUTION] Ah, the 80s.  We saw the perfection of the police procedural film, the emergence of Hong Kong’s heroic bloodshed movies, the 80s Action hero, and the revival of […]

10 To Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Naked

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 10 To Midnight (1983): Breakdown by Rantbo Liberal justice system protects woman killer. Bronson hate woman killer—BRONSON SMASH WOMAN KILLER! [THE EXECUTION] Charles Bronson plays hard-boiled conservative cop, Leo Kessler, hot on the trail of a woman-hating psychopathic serial killer.  And bears shit in the woods. To say that this is a by-the-book, […]

Cwaime Rawds

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Crime Lords (1991): Breakdown by Rutledal Two cops specializing in auto theft cases go to Hong Kong to arrest a crime lord and save their careers. [THE EXECUTION] Before I even start talking/writing about the movie I have to devote some time to the dvd cover, and its designer who most certainly never […]

OneChanbara [Oh-Nay Chawn Bar-Uh][Tit-A’s & Zomb-A’s]

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] OneChanbara: The Movie (Big-Sister Sword-Fighting)(2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Japanese pop-models fight off legions of kung-fu fighting zombies, with samurai swords and double-barrel shotguns—while wearing bikinis and leather catsuits. There is nothing about that sentence that I don’t like. [THE EXECUTION] Right away, the premise for this film sounds like pure win, but the […]

Police Story 4: Snow Banks and Shark Tanks

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Police Story 4: First Strike a.k.a. Ging chaat goo si 4: Ji gaan daan yam mo (1996)(The Kain424 Cut: Which Combines The Original Hong Kong Cut With The Heavily Edited American One): Breakdown by Rantbo Jackie Chan fights for America in his biggest action film to come out the month of February 1996. […]

Dirty Mary Crazy Larry & Complacent Deke

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974): Breakdown by Rantbo An asshole, a slut and a grease monkey get chased by cops. VROOM VROOM! SCREECH! CRASH!!! [THE EXECUTION] After seeing this film referenced in several Tarantino flicks, I broke down and decided to order myself a copy of the damn thing, if for nothing else […]