12 Pounds of Bullshit

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] 12 Rounds (2009): Breakdown by Kain424 A mish-mash of the plots of Ricochet, Die Hard With A Vengeance and Speed, minus anything that made those films cool. [THE EXECUTION] How can the guy who gave us such awesome action classics as Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger possibly fuck up such an easy premise?  […]

Street Fighter: The Legend Of That Hot Chick From EURO TRIP—No, Not The Blonde, The Other One. Yeah, The Chick From SMALLVILLE.

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li (Unleashed and Unrated Edition) (2009): Breakdown by Rantbo Robin Shou teaches a questionably hot girl to make energy balls and fire them at a corrupt business criminal in revenge for kidnapping her father. [THE EXECUTION] If Clive Barker and Ang Lee had a butt baby together, and […]

Street Fighter: Alpha Ex Turbo Wiskey Tango Foxtrot The Movie

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Street Fighter (1994): Breakdown by Rantbo An eccentric douche, in a red leather jumpsuit and cape, tries to take over the world. Is foiled by a French guy disguised as an American guy and a rag-tag team of goofy looking gay buttholes. Of course! [THE EXECUTION] I don’t understand why so many people […]

The Retro-Active Abortionator

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] The Terminator (1984): Breakdown by Kain424 In the future, man and machine are nearing the end of a hard-fought war.  Seeing their closing demise, the machines send an assassin back in time to kill the mother of the man that’s lead to their downfall, and the humans send Michael Biehn back to stop […]

Point Breahk

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Point Break (1991): Breakdown by Rantbo Undercover cop falls for dreamy bank robbing surfer dude. Is torn between his duty to bust him and his urge to bust a nut inside him. [THE EXECUTION] In keeping with late 80s style, POINT BREAK is a trip down macho lane. The film centers on an […]

Fascist Awesome

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Dirty Harry (1971): Breakdown by Kain424 A .44 Magnum-wielding California cop breaks all the rules to track down a serial killer, spawning a genre and a half (read as: initiates a series of plot points that would become THE hard-boiled cop cliches). [THE EXECUTION] Dirty Harry is a movie that rails against a […]

A Shitty Day After Yesterday…

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Ying hung boon sik a.k.a. A Better Tomorrow (1986): Breakdown by Rantbo Gangsters, Guns, Bullets, Blood—Credits. [THE EXECUTION] A BETTER TOMORROW; a tale of brotherhood, honor, betrayal, friendship, family, trust, revenge and 10,000 bullets. It’s not John Woo’s first action film, and it’s not the first of the genre that would later be […]

Resident Evil 3: Program ASS Activated

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Resident Evil: Extinction (2007): Breakdown by Rantbo The Skinny One returns to roam the desert, kill birds and fight a hentai rape monster. [THE EXECUTION] Well, third time appears to be the charm, as EXTINCTION is by far the best film of the series. But that isn’t saying much. Instead of moving on […]

Resident Evil 2: The Ass Continues

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004): Breakdown by Rantbo Skinny Chick returns to kung fu the cast of Michael Jackson’s Thriller, wire-fight a giant mutated retard and run down the side of a building for some dumbass reason. [THE EXECUTION] This film picks up directly after the events in part one. Which I happen to […]

Resident Evil: Survive The Ass

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Resident Evil (2002): Breakdown by Rantbo Skinny Chick kicks a dog, shoots zombies and wears a dress. One of these she does well. You get three guesses as to which it is. [THE EXECUTION] I wouldn’t say I’m a BIG fan of the Resident Evil video game series, but I’ve played the main […]