All Other Action Movies Can DIE HARD

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Die Hard (1988): Breakdown by Rantbo New York City Cop kills former terrorists, pretending to be current terrorists, but are really now exceptional thieves. Explosions and one-liners commence. [THE EXECUTION] “Welcome to the party, pal!” A hard boiled, take-no-shit New York City cop flies out to the magical land of limp-wristed men and […]

Ooh, Navy SEALs!

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Navy SEALs (1990): Breakdown by Rantbo Team of elite Air, Land and Semen kill terrorists. Are gay. [THE EXECUTION] This film was made for one reason and one reason only. To make some TOP GUN money. No clue if it succeeded financially (I highly doubt it), but the film definitely failed to touch […]

Never Back Down, Never Stop Sweating

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Never Back Down (2008): Breakdown by Rantbo Two shirtless boy-whores reenact KARATE KID with modern day MMA fighting moves. ‘Cuz karate didn’t get them sweaty enough. [THE EXECUTION] Contrary to what the title may have you believe, this movie isn’t about an escalating series of frat-house dares. “OK, dude–Bobby’s passed out, I dare […]

Laayzherrr Mission

Brandon Lee becomes an Action star… of the B-grade type.

Laser Mission killcount

Laser Mission killcount.

Brandon Lee

Brandon Lee’s killcounts.

Army Of One killcount

Army of One (Joshua Tree) killcount.

Army Of One a.k.a. Joshua Tree a.k.a. Dolph Re-Enacts Hiroshima

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Joshua Tree a.k.a. Army of One (1993): Breakdown by Kain424 An ex-racecar driver, truck driver, and now current convict escapes after nine months in prison to prove his innocence and get revenge against those who framed him. He also feels they owe him money. [THE EXECUTION] This is easily among the best of […]

Schm-Action Jackson

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Action Jackson (1988): Breakdown by Rantbo Big chocolate cop tolerates druggie slut, kills some glam-metal ninjas with fire and fights Craig T. Nelson. [THE EXECUTION] When making a film with the basic “Super-Cop-Kills-Bad-Guy” scenario, the devil becomes all about the details, as this movie has been made at least a dozen times a […]

Lone Wolf McHairyChest

[THE CHALK-OUTLINE] Lone Wolf McQuade (1983): Breakdown by Rantbo Texas Ranger drinks beer, kills filthy Mexicans and fights Caine from KUNG FU. [THE EXECUTION] If you see only one Chuck Norris film, see INVASION U.S.A.. If you see two, make sure the second one is THE HITMAN or I guess, LONE WOLF McQUADE. Which ever […]